THE HEART OF THE JEDI

 

I TRUST YOU

by Martina

 Disclaimer: The people and situations used in this fic are the property of George Lucas and Lucasfilm Ltd. 

This chapter NC-13

It was a wide smile of satisfaction that spread across Luke's face as
he parked his sister's new speeder inside the docking bay at the
Imperial Palace.
- "That's what I call fun!"
The kick and the adrenaline had done him good, he now felt. If he
could go back he would do it again. It had eased his mind of many
things, if just for a moment.

But the real reason why he had begun this wild ride back to the
Palace was still Leia's uncomfortable questions regarding Mara. And
Leia had most likely not forgotten what she had seen inside
Calrissian's hangar earlier.
At least for now, her mind was not focused on what she had seen him
and Mara do, though. The wild ride had distracted her more than
enough for the time being. But as the speeder came to a full stop,
she was able to gather her thoughts and feelings.
And Leia was not pleased with him.

- "Are you all right, Leia?" Lukke asked. She refused to answer and
did not even throw him a glimpse while she quickly made her way out
of the speeder. Luke quickly followed her. They were met by the
standard security force, flanking their way around the two arrivals.
- "Welcome back, Madame President,&quuot; the commander of the team said
and bowed in greeting. - "Master Skywalker."
- "Gentlemen," Luke greeted backk. Leia, however, said nothing to the
guards and marched as quickly as she could towards the elevator that
led up to her working quarters. The guards seemed puzzled by the
Chief of State's silence and rather obvious irritation. It was not
like her at all to not answer greetings, on the contrary. She even
quickened her pace further and Luke felt compelled to hurry after
her.
- "Hey, Leia! Wait up!"

She still refused to give him any attention. The elevator was already
waiting for them. Leia hurried inside the cart and pushed the button
for her floor, ignoring that Luke had not yet reached the elevator.
He had to run the last few meters to make it inside the car before
the door was shut closed behind him and the elevator started to lift
them the long way up to their level in the palace.
- "Hey…"

Her childish behaviour surprised even Luke. And now that they were
all alone, Leia could afford to express her feelings openly.
- "What in all the seven hells was thhat about!?" she spat.
- "A test drive. I wanted to see how the speeder performed."
Leia frowned and crossed her arms, leaning against the opposite wall
of the cart. She turned her eyes from him again.
- "Yeah, right!" she muttered. SShe did not believe that to have been
his true reason and she wanted that to be perfectly clear to him.
They had been fortunate that no law enforcement unit had had them
pull over – none had been able to fly like Luke could. The least she
wanted was to be pulled over for speeding. That would have been
terribly embarrassing, even if her brother perhaps failed to realize
that.

Yes, she was angry, upset and irritated. A bit shaken by his insane
flying, too. But Luke knew his twin sister. She was acting angrier
than she truly was. If true fury had overtaken her, she would not be
trying to avoid him. Leia was the kind of woman that confronted the
one that made her angry, not the opposite. She was merely trying to
make a point now but wasn't sure how to do that. She wanted to get
even with him but didn't know how to proceed. Therefore her strange,
childish behaviour.

- "Are you mad?" Luke asked and leaned forward down to her eyelevel,
trying to make eye contact with her. He wanted to make sure his
instincts about her were correct.
- "Yes!" she snapped. Her voice was angry, but her face was beginning
to tell the opposite. His blue eyes were gentle and he was giving her
a little innocent smile. And that smile was spreading on to her.
- "No, you're not," Luke stated and grinned even more. Now he knew
for a fact that she was not angry at all. She tried to look away even
further but she could not hold back her own smile. His boyish charm,
as well as his love for her as her brother, had hit home.
Leia was powerless against it.
She always was.

- "Yes, I am," she insisted, thoough in vain. She broke into a tiny
laughter, revealing her true feelings. His sweet smile and gentle,
blue gaze always made her happy. Not just Leia but most who received
the Jedi Master's affection in one way or another could never resist
the immense power he generated by just being himself. His warm
personality was more soothing than any Force ability. It could remove
dark and deconstructive emotions faster than any words of wisdom.
Anyone who had experienced the warmth from Luke Skywalker never had a
doubt why he was the Master.

- "No, you're not," Luke repeateed and embraced his sister comfortably
as she continued to laugh in a mix of both joy and fear. - "You
enjoyed that ride; you just don't want to admit it."
He was right, of course. Leia did not want to admit it, and even
though it had been outrageous and dangerous, she had deep down
enjoyed that flight as much as he had. The difference was that Luke
was drawn to this form of rushes while Leia mostly avoided them.
- "Damn you!" she cursed as her head was pressed against his torso,
accepting his embrace in comfort. - "You scared me."
This was also embarrassing for her. She was a Jedi, too; this flight
should not have affected her so much. And now her Master and brother
saw her true weakness.
Leia had no idea how wrong her belief of her brother was about that.
The last he would ever accuse her of was being weak.

- "I'm sorry, Leia. But I assure you,, we were never in any danger."
The Jedi Master cupped the small woman's face in his hands, looking
into those pretty eyes of hers that he adored so much.
- "I had full control the whole time,," he assured. His only intention
had been to distract her, never to frighten her, not even to come
close to scaring her.

- "That ain't the point," Leia ssaid. - "As Jedi you do have many
special rights that others don't have. However, I wish to remind you,
my dear scoundrel of a brother, that one that you don't have is the
right to break the traffic laws. At least not the ones on this
planet."
- "I wouldn't dream of it," Lukee answered, once more with that boyish
grin on his face. He was still the joker, his duty as a Jedi suddenly
light years away.
- "You're worse than Han sometimes,&qquot; Leia stated with an amused
smile. Boys were forever going to be boys, it seemed, no matter their
age or position in life. And no matter how much Luke could drive her
crazy, she still loved him just the same.
How could she not?

- "Is that why you're calling me a sccoundrel too now?" Luke asked.
She observed him, up and down. He looked his usual self, wearing the
black uniform and the grey robe over his shoulders. The lightsaber
was attached to his belt. His features carried years of conflicts,
around his eyes in particular it was beginning to show. Time and life
itself revealed that this was a man that had experienced more than
most ever would in a whole lifetime. He was a full-fledged Jedi.
Yet, within, a young and innocent spirit emerged from time to time.
Like today. Like right now. And as much as he surprised her every
time, Leia was equally happy each time he appeared. That was why she
could not truly be mad at her brother, despite his crazy flying.

Once, Leia had fallen in love with her husband because he was a full-
fledged scoundrel. Her brother was a scoundrel, too, he had always
been. The difference was that Luke was much better than Han at
concealing it.
- "Well, you certainly qualify for itt, Luke."
Luke smiled.
He took that as a compliment.
Because he knew how much his sister fancied scoundrels.

They reached their level and the siblings stepped out of the elevator
and walked side by side towards Leia's office. They gave slight nods
to the guards and Leia's assistants but otherwise didn't slow down
their pace as they walked down the long hall.
- "I didn't mean to scare you," Luke repeated. - "I just felt the
need to do this. I had a lot of steam I needed to release."
They reached and entered her office.
- "And I was serious that we are in aa hurry," he continued and locked
the door behind them. - "We have much to talk about."

- "You don't bring good news, do you??"
Leia could hear the distress in his voice. She could feel it growing
within him through the Force, too.
- "I'm afraid not," Luke confirmmed. - "What you saw in the holo
recordings from R2 is just the start of it."
- "You seem scared."
Luke sighed.
- "That's because I am."

If the speeder ride earlier had shaken her a little, it was nothing
at all compared to what he was about to tell her. Leia was the
strongest woman Luke had ever known, perhaps even the strongest
being. But even the strongest had their weaknesses. Leia did not have
many. Palpatine was one of them.
Or rather, the way Palpatine always affected him.
- "I think you better sit down for thhis, Leia," he suggested and
motioned her to sit down behind her desk, which was the nearest place
to sit. - "Trust me."

Leia obeyed him, but slowly. The distress within him was building up
even more. His face was calm, his blue eyes fully confident. But
their Force bond immediately revealed to her that he had something
very important and equally disturbing to tell her. And this made Leia
very nervous.
The last time Luke had acted like this, they had both been standing
on a wooden bridge in a deep forest in the middle of the night. The
same night that he had told her that she was his sister. And revealed
that Darth Vader was their father.
And now, he had returned from that same forest moon.
It was as if history repeated itself.

With the difference that, unlike that night all those years ago, Luke
revealed no sense of hope now, as he had done for their father.
No.
Today, the trouble Leia felt within him now, reminded more of the
troubles he had felt just before a Force Storm had carried him all
the way from Coruscant to Byss almost a decade ago.

- "The Dark Side is rising, isn't it??" she said as she sat down in
her chair, her eyes never leaving him as he stood at the other side
of the desk. - "I've begun to feel something now myself, too."
He started to stare at her with concern. Leia sensed immediately how
he entered her mind, carefully, scanning to see for himself whatever
it was that she had begun sensing. But Leia had no conclusive images
or visions to reveal. Palpatine had not gone after her yet with full
brutal force. Luke felt very relieved but he also knew it was only a
matter of time now before their enemy might.

- "And, judging from the images R2 toook on Endor, it doesn't look
good," Leia continued. - "We have a very strong and powerful enemy on
our hands, don't we?"
She couldn't be more right.
Still, she had no idea.
Luke pulled a deep breath and stepped up to the desk, placing both
hands on it and closed his eyes for a few seconds, reaching out for
all the serenity he could find. He was going to need it as soon as
Leia would learn of what he was about to tell her.

Luke looked her in the eyes again.
- "It's worse than that, Leia. A lot worse."
He had prayed to never have to say these words ever again. But he had
to.
- "Palpatine is alive."

- "What!?"

It was as if a tidal wave of emotions washed over him through their
Force bond. She was an emotional bomb that had just gone off.
Leia's eyes were filled with terror and doubt. She knew he was not
lying, but her instincts refused to believe him. She was unable to
move, yet she was trembling all over.
- "He's back," Luke repeated witth the same determination. Leia
started to shake her head in denial.
- "No. No, this can't be!" she ssaid in a loud and angry tone of voice
that just got louder as she spoke. - "Brand killed him! I was there,
Luke! And so were you! It must be some mistake…"

Her voice faded as Luke slowly shook his head. It was no mistake, no
matter how much he wished that himself.
- "Palpatine is dead!" she finallly yelled, as if Luke was trying to
make her believe in a lie that she knew better. But deep down,
underneath her shock, Leia felt the truth. She felt it as clearly
just as she always had sensed right from the beginning that she and
Luke were siblings.
- "He's not dead," Luke stated ccalmly. The last thing he wanted was
to feed her state of shock. He did not want to pass on to Leia his
own desperation of this matter.
Still, his gaze dropped just for a second. There was so much more to
tell.
- "I've spoken to him."

Leia literary flew out of her chair.
- "You did what!?"

Her whole being trembled. Her shock quickly turned into fear and
worry. She circled the desk, hurrying up to him, desperately reaching
for his mind to search for any possible changes.
Had Palpatine set his dark and sinister claws into Luke again!? Was
that damned Sith ghost on a quest to try to destroy her brother even
more than the damage he had already caused!?
No. No! She would not allow it! Not again!

Sensing her desperation, and why, Luke raised his hands to show her
that she had no reason to fear for him. She needed to calm down and
put away her fears. He still had much to tell her.
- "He's merely a being of energy now and can no longer enter a
physical shape," he said to try to slow down her rampage of upset
emotions. - "But he's growing strong in the black hole above the Moon
of Endor that he left behind when father destroyed him. I have no
idea how he managed to get there…"

Luke was just as stunned and frightened by all of this as she was,
Leia sensed that now.
- "By all the stars..!"
The man that had destroyed her father, that had almost succeeded in
doing the same with her brother, and that had threatened her children
was back once more. Leia placed a hand over her mouth, fighting back
her feeling of dread. She had to be strong now, she knew that.
Everyone was expecting her to be. Luke did, too.
But her whole body wouldn't stop trembling.
This was like a vicious nightmare, taken from a lousy movie. And
Palpatine truly was like a cursed ghost, returning from the past to
haunt them, never leaving them in peace.
- "This can't be happening," shee mumbled and looked away. - "This
isn't happening!"

An insight suddenly hit her. Or, actually, reminded her.

Leia turned to look at her brother once more. He had said he had
spoken with Palpatine. Anything could have happened between the two
Masters of the Force during a conversation. Absolutely anything.
Like nine years ago.
- "Did he hurt you?" she asked wwith great concern, demanding an
answer.

- "No," Luke answered. - "BBut he will try."
He had no intention to hide anything from her. Luke knew perfectly
well what nurtured her fear. It wasn't so much Palpatine's return in
itself. It was rather the impact that that return had on him that she
truly feared.
- "He has challenged me," he conntinued to explain. - "We are in more
danger of him now than we've ever been before. We better put N.R.I.
on this, to see if the Remnant may be involved, too."

Her brother's willingness to act had a soothing effect on her. Her
fear drew away slightly and her mind wasn't spinning so much anymore.
It immediately got easier for Leia to focus.
- "You think they are?"
Luke nodded.
- "Mara was attacked by a man on Anarrgosa which she believed to be an
Imperial agent. But she has no clue why anyone wants her dead. Either
way, someone went through great lengths to try to get rid of her. I
want to find out if that someone is involved with Palpatine's schemes
or not. His confidence is not to be taken likely."
- "You know what his intentions are?&"

Her focus pleased him. It made things a lot easier for him as well.
Leia's strength was always his own.
- "I'm pretty sure I don't know all oof what he's up to," Luke said
honestly. - "But I do know that he's destroying the Force itself,
that's what the recordings are showing. The Moon of Endor is dying
and he will continue with all worlds in his path until there's
nothing left, no matter how long it takes. I'll tell you everything
while I speak with the rest of the government. You must summon a
meeting with the top senators immediately, the ones closest to you
and the ones in the most important key positions. I'd also like to
have all the fleet and military commanders present. If the New
Republic and the Jedi Order do not stand united now, we might be
facing our final hour."

He was so focused, so determined what to do. So strong. If Leia had
not sensed it, she would never have believed that Luke was trembling
within.
And the fact that he was trembling was, despite the clouded and
painful past, a bit surprising to her. Luke had faced this Sith
several times before. And in confrontations with other enemies she
had never sensed such dread in him either. She did not blame him;
Palpatine had given him mental scars for life. But there had to be
something more that triggered this fear.
Maybe he wasn't as focused and determined as he seemed to be?
Maybe he had no answer how to deal with this situation?
Leia knew that the incapability to act was always terrifying for her
brother. And now that seemed to be the case.
Not even regarding Palpatine had she ever sensed anything like this
from Luke before.

Did he not have any idea what to do?

She spoke nothing of her suspicions, just in case she was right. She
would learn if she was soon enough.
She turned to her desk again. She had many people to summon.
- "I'll call for those who are on Corruscant and near the system."
The Jedi Master nodded gratefully. He knew Leia had the power to
summon a lot of important people in no time, no matter where they
were or what they were doing. His sister could be quite persistent.
Still, she suddenly came to a halt and looked at him again. And now
more with more suspicion than ever.
- "Luke… Did you know of this? Did yoou know that he had returned
before you left for Endor?"

It was a question on her part.
But it felt like an accusation.
She could just as well have punched him in the face.
Did she not believe him?
Did she not trust him!?

Luke's voice trembled with pain as he answered her. She had managed
to hurt him pretty well.
- "Do you sincerely believe, Leia, thhat I would keep something like
this from you if I had known?"
She had her right to ask. His mistakes from the past justified her
right to know. But if she honestly thought that he would betray her
so easily…

His hurt feelings made Leia gasp as she realized how deeply her
demand for an answer had hit him. In her determination to learn the
truth, she had forgotten the old traumas that Luke still carried from
the Dark Side. She had never meant to make him believe that she no
longer trusted him.
Because she did!
- "I'm sorry. I don't mean to get parranoid," she excused. - "It just
feels like the past is replaying itself again".

Serenity embraced him once more. Luke forgave her. He realized that
she hadn't meant it that way. They were both highly emotional right
now, their fears and worries playing out each other. This was how the
Dark Side worked. And he had to put an end to this turmoil right now.

He walked up to her and cupped her face again. His mind opened up
even more, letting her in to see and sense his love and allegiance to
her for herself. He would not give her any reason ever again not to
trust him.
- "I assure you, Leia, this is not liike the past. And I will not
betray you like I did the last time."
There was a slight pause on Luke's part, as if he hesitated.
- "I will never hurt you again…"; he whispered as if it was an
afterthought.

Their minds merged, soothing and comforting each other, embracing the
other. Like they always did, in moments of both joy and despair. And
Leia pulled herself really close to him as Luke put his arms around
her. And she sighed as he gave her a kiss on the side of her temple.
Luke loved her; there was no doubt in her mind about that. It had
never been her intention to make him think that she believed
otherwise. She was so sorry for making him think so.

- "I am shaken by his unexpected retuurn but he has not affected me,"
Luke explained, almost desperate to make her understand. - "He tried
to. But I've grown beyond his manipulations. I have evolved since
then. Palpatine won't make me do anything stupid ever again. You have
my word on that, as a Jedi… and as your brother."
- "That's comforting," she stateed.
He raised her face to him again, looking her deeply in the eyes. His
run-in with the Dark Side had hit him hard like a sledge-hammer. But
that also meant that he, just as hard, had learned his lesson from
that experience.
- "You can trust me, Leia," Lukee promised her from the bottom of his
heart. - "I will never repeat those mistakes again."
- "I trust you".

Her lovely face no longer revealed any distrust. This was the Leia he
knew, his beloved sister. His beautiful princess.
Her tiny hand sought contact with his, almost disappearing in the
gentle hold of his artificial hand. But as small as her hand was,
Leia's love for him was not. Their right hands that now held each
other were merely another sign of the bond that they shared. And her
fingers showed great strength as they held on to him.
So much had tried to separate them, even from the day they were born.
But they had always, somehow, found their way back to each other. No
darkness or evil times could keep them apart.
- "I trusted you nine years ago so whhy shouldn't I now?"

Her paranoid question earlier had almost brought him tears of pain.
Her absolute trust in him now almost made him shed tears of joy.
Leia had been basically the only one that had still trusted him while
he had been Palpatine's apprentice. Not even Han had trusted him. But
she had. She had never doubted in him. She had never given up hope on
him. And she had fought to bring him back to the Light. And she had
done so.
And she still did.

They said no words. They didn't have to. Through the Force they felt
what the other was feeling. And it brought both strength and courage
to them both just as it always had.
Their hands still held each other, while they held each other close
with the other. Luke did not want to let her go. He loved Leia with
all that he was and he owed her so much. She was the saviour of his
soul.
She was so close now.
So close.
The love he'd had for ever since the first moment he had seen her had
never gone away. It never would. His love for her was the greatest
joy in his whole life.

And also his greatest fear.

Horrible memories of the very things that Leia once had rescued him
from emerged. They always did when they bonded like this, the rare
times they did. He longed to do this a lot more often with her. They
both needed this so badly. He wanted to love her and be the brother
that she deserved. The brother he once used to be.
But Palpatine had made a fine job in making that brother disappear
almost entirely. And Luke could never afford to tell Leia why.

Gently but quickly, Luke closed these parts of his mind. He would
never allow her to see what he kept inside there. It would gain Leia
nothing to share his burdens, his pains. Or his humiliation.
His shame.

In fact, she already did. She had all along.
She simply did not remember.
And Luke was determined to never let her remember what had happened.
That was a fate worse than death.

She had no idea of the sacrifice he did for her every second of his
life. It was a burden greater than the worst of torments. Yes, he
could end it any moment he wished. But that was an alternative that
was not negotiable. Besides, for the wrong he had done, this torment
was the least what he deserved. He deserved to be punished. He'd
rather die than tell her!
To protect her and to keep her away from the pain he carried, this
sacrifice was worth it.

Leia sensed his recoil. Luke always fled every time they opened up to
each other. And she always felt so alone and abandoned when he did.
This had been going on for years now, ever since Byss. His walk on
the Dark Side had changed him. Luke had returned but not entirely,
not even to this day. Something still kept him away, from her most of
all. Something that scared him so utterly that he'd rather seek pain
and solitude than to show to her whatever it was that troubled him.

Leia had lost count of how many times and in how many ways she had
tried to make him open up. But that last wall in Luke's mind was as
hard as solid rock. And he kept her out knowingly. Why did he do
that? And so systematically? Did he not realize how painful that
was!? He always begged for her to trust him, but why could he never
trust her?
What could possible be so secret that he couldn't share it with her?
Before Byss he had always shared everything with her, nothing had
been too terrible to hide from her. This was an absolute change.

Luke had been so strong that evening when he had told her that Darth
Vader was their father. She wondered if she had ever seen him even
stronger. Today, Leia saw none of that strength in him anymore. He
was still very strong in so many ways but the Dark Side had weakened
him nonetheless. It had stolen great parts of her brother, still
holding him prisoner just out of her reach.
And Leia had no idea how to get him back.

And this became more apparent than ever when the very man that had
weakened her brother had once more returned.
Yes, it was as if it all was now coming back. Luke avoided her
instead of letting her follow him.
When was he ever going to learn that he did not at all necessarily
protect her by keeping her away? Why did his learned knowledge that
the ways of the Jedi is not a solitary path never seem to apply on
him?

- "By the way, how is Anakin?"
His mentioning of her youngest son made Leia put away her worries for
her beloved brother.
For now.
- "The same, except that he seems to deal with it better now. But his
nightmares have continued."
- "So have mine," Luke admitted but said no more. Just as before he
had left Coruscant, he preferred to not tell her too much of the bad
dreams that Palpatine was sending him, and certainly not of the
terrifying level they had reached now. Although Leia understood who
it was that sent them these nightmares now.

His thoughts went to his youngest nephew. If his own nightmares had
become worse, had little Anakin's become the same? The mere thought
of it made Luke shiver. He was very disturbed by these nightmares
himself, especially since Palpatine projected such personal images.
What damage could such nightmares cause to a young child?
- "He's a strong boy," Luke saidd with great admiration, if what Leia
said was true. - "I better go and tell him what's going on. He will
be able to resist Palpatine's whispers and visions better if he knows
who his enemy is."

Leia agreed with her brother.
- "Alright. Anakin's home, he hasn't felt well enough to go to school
because of this. You can go to him right now while I set up the
meeting. I'll call you when we are ready."
- "Do that".
Luke was about to leave when he turned to his sister once more.
- "I'd like to bring R2 with the recoorded material that we took on
Endor to this meeting. I wish to show it to the senators. They must
see for themselves what we are up against."
Leia nodded. She had already seen the recordings. And knowing now
what caused it, it would have no deeper impact than to see it for
yourself.
- "Agreed."


To be continued in: "Willpower" 

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